Counselling

Buddhist Psychotherapy is becoming more accepted and desired by people seeking mental health treatment. However it is noteworthy that Buddhist Psychotherapy is not just intended for Buddhists. Even Buddha never referred to himself as a Buddhist, nor even purported to practice Buddhism! In any event, one of the many gems arising from the past 2500 year history of Buddhist Eastern Psychology is Mindfulness Meditation.

One of the commonly acceptable definitions of Mindfulness Meditation to date is that it is a training of mind through the deliberate paying of attention non-judgementally in the present moment. Sound simple? It is! But it's not easy, as I and many of my clients attest. However the rewards are profound, and the practice has enormous benefits for psychotherapy. Some of the skills mindfulness therapy renders:

*Flexibility of awareness *Reduced reactivity or rumination *Cognitive diffusion (ability to observe thoughts without getting hooked into them) *Calm stability of mind *Decreased repression (only when mindfulness is not used defensively!)

Buddhist Psychology has made a large claim; that there is a way out of suffering. That you do not need to be a Buddhist or believe in anything in particular to benefit from the profound self observation practices. This is in contrast to traditional counselling and psychotherapy, which really is barely 100 years old, since Freud, then Lacan, etc. Western geniuses of psychoanalysis, no doubt. But Eastern and Western perspectives vary markedly on many levels. First off, the aims are different. As Freud said the aim of psychoanalysis is to turn neurotic suffering into ordinary human misery. Buddha's aim was perhaps a tad more grand, the cessation of suffering.

In my view as a training psychoanalyst and Buddhist Psychotherapist I can really get the many strengths and limitations of both models when applied clinically. Generally Eastern models like Buddhist Psychotherapy pay little or no attention to the intrapsychic conflicts, or the major influence that repressed sexual neuroses and early childhood experiences have upon adult psychological functioning. On the other hand Western psychoanalysis (and Psychology for that matter) tend to miss the subtle benefits that mindfulness meditation can afford, such as less reactivity and repression. Clearly, both approaches can complement each other.

Both approaches probably lead to decreased narcissism, greater psychological and spiritual (according to the individual’s version of what that means) maturity. As it has been said before, we have to become someone before we can realise that we are inherently no one. Sound grim? Not according to many sages who claim deep nirvana can arise through a release of attachment to a fixed notion of an essential self or I. But that’s further down the track for many of us! For most suffering individuals who visit Buddhist psychotherapists, the first aim is to help them establish a mindfulness practice. At that point if I detect a likely transference (and working relationship) and capacity for insight and reflection I may recommend psychoanalytic psychotherapy. Psychoanalysis and mindfulness meditation has not to my knowledge ever been researched in tandem, although both are validated as highly efficacious psychological modalities. In my clinical experience, when combining Mindfulness meditation with psychoanalytic psychotherapy, the changes and insights people gain can be very profound.

First off. Have you ever wondered, what is the difference between psychology and psychotherapy? The differences are huge. They are miles apart.

We need to define what is psychology and psychotherapy. Let us limit our thinking to the clinical setting, for our purposes here, where both terms are broad and have varying definitions.

Psychology comprises certain psychologists who have been trying to position their profession within the domain of science for some time, close to that of medicine. One output of this seems to me an ever popular, tempting but potentially insidious love affair with fitting people into psychological categories. There is a label for almost everything abnormal or pathological these days. There is no label for normal or healthy. Why? Maybe because the label itself, is part of the disease... the disease which alienates one even further from discovering their true self, their own desires.

If you think of psychological distress in the same way a doctor traditionally treats physical symptoms we miss the crucial uniqueness of the individual, how they create suffering and how they, and only they (with the help of a psychotherapist) can use the key (in their unconscious) to come out of their suffering.

Further, there is no current training requirement for a psychologist to undertake their own personal therapy. A psychoanalyst or psychoanalytic psychotherapist must untertake adequate internsive personal therapy, usually of a minimum of 3-4 years of twice weekly therapy. Who knows what unconscious issues a therapist lacking in the sort of insights an intensive psychotherapy affords might bring to sessions with their patients without even realising. As with any couple relationship, both parties bring their own histories and unconscious agendas to the dynamic despite intentionality. It is arguable that a psychotherapist who has undertaken adequate personal therapy would be more likely to at least keep more of their unconscious agendas that may not be in the best interests of their patients at bay.

It’s almost assumed that if you have a label, 12 short psychology sessions will cure you of your symptoms and make you “functional”. Functional according to whom and whose desires are of course never elucidated. A quick fix is often the lazy way out. Just another fantasy.

When I speak of psychotherapy here, I am referring to psychoanalytic psychotherapy. This practice has nothing to do with fitting people into categories of disease, or giving people new meanings for their symptoms, because it is often meaning itself which form the core of their illness. We are ill because of meaning.

One difference we can propose is that psychology often looks at categorising people into various definitions of symptoms based upon and in comparison to different social norms. Many patients are drawn to this because it supposedly gives some perceived comfort with “knowing” what is wrong.

Psychotherapy is all about the individual.

Freud started thinking of psychoanalysis as science too but quickly abandoned the fruitless attempt to make a science out of something that is not.

There is something seductive about meaning making and labels. I lose count of how many people I see who say things like “I’m anorgasmic”, “I have generalised anxiety disorder”, “I have depression”. These identity descriptions and many others like them say nothing to me about the individual person sitting in front of me when I do psychotherapy. I am far more interested in hearing what they have to say, and listening for the trail of the repressed.

The psychotherapy journey is in depth and highly individual.

More often people begin psychotherapy or counselling with a host of unconscious conflicts, meanings (identity descriptions) and desires which don’t even belong to them. Part of psychotherapy involves the in depth process of figuring out who we are, and what we really want in our lives. If we as counsellors, social workers, psychologists, psychotherapists or whatever, think of our patients too theoretically we are likely to read our theiries into the person, alienating them further, and missing crucial things they are actually saying (and not saying). Categories may serve a temporary relief for anxiety, but that's harldy what anyone who can read without moving their lips would call living.

Those able and brave enough to undertake intensive psychotherapy frequently report deeper and lasting insights into themselves far beyond what any seductive label or so called focussed psychological treatment, offers the individual.

These ideas are based on my experience and are my own views in the present time and space of March 2011. They may not always be my opinions, nor were they always.

First off. Have you ever wondered, what is the difference between psychology and psychotherapy? The differences are huge. They are miles apart.

We need to define what is psychology and psychotherapy. Let us limit our thinking to the clinical setting, for our purposes here, where both terms are broad and have varying definitions.

Psychology comprises certain psychologists who have been trying to position their profession within the domain of science for some time, close to that of medicine. One output of this seems to me an ever popular, tempting but potentially insidious love affair with fitting people into psychological categories. There is a label for almost everything abnormal or pathological these days. There is no label for normal or healthy. Why? Maybe because the label itself, is part of the disease... the disease which alienates one even further from discovering their true self, their own desires.

If you think of psychological distress in the same way a doctor traditionally treats physical symptoms we miss the crucial uniqueness of the individual, how they create suffering and how they, and only they (with the help of a psychotherapist) can use the key (in their unconscious) to come out of their suffering.

Further, there is no current training requirement for a psychologist to undertake their own personal therapy. A psychoanalyst or psychoanalytic psychotherapist must untertake adequate internsive personal therapy, usually of a minimum of 3-4 years of twice weekly therapy. Who knows what unconscious issues a therapist lacking in the sort of insights an intensive psychotherapy affords might bring to sessions with their patients without even realising. As with any couple relationship, both parties bring their own histories and unconscious agendas to the dynamic despite intentionality. It is arguable that a psychotherapist who has undertaken adequate personal therapy would be more likely to at least keep more of their unconscious agendas that may not be in the best interests of their patients at bay.

It’s almost assumed that if you have a label, 12 short psychology sessions will cure you of your symptoms and make you “functional”. Functional according to whom and whose desires are of course never elucidated. A quick fix is often the lazy way out. Just another fantasy.

When I speak of psychotherapy here, I am referring to psychoanalytic psychotherapy. This practice has nothing to do with fitting people into categories of disease, or giving people new meanings for their symptoms, because it is often meaning itself which form the core of their illness. We are ill because of meaning.

One difference we can propose is that psychology often looks at categorising people into various definitions of symptoms based upon and in comparison to different social norms. Many patients are drawn to this because it supposedly gives some perceived comfort with “knowing” what is wrong.

Psychotherapy is all about the individual.

Freud started thinking of psychoanalysis as science too but quickly abandoned the fruitless attempt to make a science out of something that is not.

There is something seductive about meaning making and labels. I lose count of how many people I see who say things like “I’m anorgasmic”, “I have generalised anxiety disorder”, “I have depression”. These identity descriptions and many others like them say nothing to me about the individual person sitting in front of me when I do psychotherapy. I am far more interested in hearing what they have to say, and listening for the trail of the repressed.

The psychotherapy journey is in depth and highly individual.

More often people begin psychotherapy or counselling with a host of unconscious conflicts, meanings (identity descriptions) and desires which don’t even belong to them. Part of psychotherapy involves the in depth process of figuring out who we are, and what we really want in our lives. If we as counsellors, social workers, psychologists, psychotherapists or whatever, think of our patients too theoretically we are likely to read our theiries into the person, alienating them further, and missing crucial things they are actually saying (and not saying). Categories may serve a temporary relief for anxiety, but that's harldy what anyone who can read without moving their lips would call living.

Those able and brave enough to undertake intensive psychotherapy frequently report deeper and lasting insights into themselves far beyond what any seductive label or so called focussed psychological treatment, offers the individual.

These ideas are based on my experience and are my own views in the present time and space of March 2011. They may not always be my opinions, nor were they always.

Given method or approach accounts for barely 10% of clinical efficacy (the psychotherapy relationship accounts for most) this isn’t a very interesting question. But I post it because so many clients to be (and therapists) are understandably confused by the mass of (some 400+!) counselling styles around, all purporting in their own way to be the best.

But arguing about what psychotherapy method is the best is like debating if oranges taste better than apples, or if Beethoven sounds better than Mozart. Arguments about personal taste are essentially useless because preference involves choice, not some scientific objective “truth”.

So in short, the answer is, whatever works for you is the best counselling method!

But still, let us clear up some more confusion… the method used is by no means utterly irrelevant. Although, your acceptance and your psychotherapists’ belief in a particular treatment method is possibly more important than the method itself in many ways.

My bias is towards mindfulness therapy and psychodynamic/psychoanalytic psychotherapy in combination for producing deep, lasting, long term changes which can be possible when people undertake the courageous and sometimes daunting journey of intensive self-discovery with psychotherapy.

But, I have no issue with the more surface based or shorter term styles such as CBT, but I take issue with so called claims of scientific validity of these behavioural approaches over others. Biasing objective, measurable behaviours hardly confirms subjective, long term change which so many people who have undergone deeper dynamic therapies testify, but these cannot be measured in a scientific sense. This is because they are not sciences. And, why should they pretend to be.

But power hungry, ignorant or just frightened, academics and researchers protecting their turf still want the public to believe psychology can be scientific when used in counselling (as though a rigid set of processes and procedures can be applied to everyone in distress!).

So remember, if you are comfortable working with your psychotherapist and want to understand yourself better, you will have a high probability of experiencing a rewarding journey regardless of the method. Don’t get seduced by quick fix empty promises or claims of evidence based treatment as being the best counselling and psychotherapy methods on the planet.

Compulsive lying or pathological lying. Yes, people do seek professional help to overcome lying problems. In fact, it's far more common than you may think. Really, I probably get at least one new enquiry every two weeks or so requesting help with their compulsive lying problem.

Compulsive lying can destroy individual self-esteem and close relationships. Usually such crisis point are what lead people to contact me for help.

But, compulsive lying or pathological lying as problematic as they are in and of themselves, are really symptoms of a deeper problem. Usually there is either some kind of narcissistic wound, or a shame-based experience of which the liar is attempting to cover up sometimes by making themselves look good to gain approval and avoid disappointing other people.

It is a means of attempting to protect yourself from further shame and disappointment, which usually did arise at some point or another during childhood which may or may not be consciously recalled by the adult liar.

What is paradoxical about compulsive lying therapy and counselling is that during the psychotherapy, a compulsive liar begins to talk openly and honestly about their lying behaviour. This confessional aspect, when received by an unconditionally accepting therapist, can have a very deep and profound healing effect on the individual.

Over time, the individual can begin to view themselves in a similar kind of light of non-judgemental acceptance and even empathy and compassion. The rest of the work involves the repairer of early childhood traumas and emotional wounds which may have been many traumas of various forms of shame, embarrassment and humiliation.

Mindfulness therapy is another great way to help compulsive liars because it helps them at a conscious and unconscious level, to equalise themselves in their own mind with other people so that there is no more inferiority of superiority in their minds in the presence of other individuals.

Thus, if you are seeking individual psychotherapy or Brighton counselling and you are in the Brighton area of Melbourne, help is readily available. Even if you can't get to brighton Melbourne, online counselling is available, via Skype. Get in touch if you're ready to start unlocking the truth and living authentically.
 

In my experience as a counsellor and hypnotherapist, chronic pain patients are amongst the most difficult population to work with. This is understandable given the constant emotional and physical suffering they endure.

With chronic pain, usually earlier attachment traumas and emotional wounds which had not been available to conscious awareness, suddenly become amplified and thus these individuals become very frustrated and angry with themselves, and just about everybody in the life. This idoess not exclude people such as carers and therapists who are trying to help them as much as possible.

Part of the anger can arise from having an impossible wish and desire to have somebody else fix them or get rid of their pain. But part of that lesson, although extremely difficult, is arriving at a point in which one accepts that they are going to have to live with their pain and instead of going from specialist to specialist they have to learn to be with their pain and manage the pain. This facing of reality can be so freeing because suffering can reduce enormously, if we accept that suffering is pain plus resistance, and when resisting/fearing/hating the pain stops, so can suffering. The pain itself is then experienced like a raw burn, so to speak,

Often this realisation serves as a terrible gift. Terrible in the sense that it's so excruciating which you would never wish on your worst enemy. But it is nonetheless a hard lesson in that it teaches them that their old ways of thinking, and living and avoiding feeling, which actually lead to enormous suffering if not even their actual pain condition, can be reversed.

Fortunately, mindfulness therapy combined with hypnotherapy and counselling are amongst the most effective ways to learn how to manage one's relationship to pain by sitting with and being with the pain in a non-judgemental and accepting way so that all the fear and anxiety and anger associated with pain diminishes. Then sometimes the experience of pain itself diminishes. This can take a number of years of weekly sessions to accomplish.

Letting go of magical thinking and working towards realistic therapeutic goals can and often does become profoundly healing for chronic pain patients when they have an empathically oriented psychotherapist, hypnotherapist and counsellor. It is important to have one therapist who is trained in both Eastern and Western counselling methods. Otherwise, seeing different therapists with different philosophical orientations can actually confuse issues and blur and make matters worse.

If you're in the Brighton Melbourne area, help is really available. But if you can't get to brighton for counselling and want to work remotely to manage your chronic pain, online counselling is available, via Skype.
 

Binge Eating Disorder is so common in our consumer driven, narcissistic, Western society. And no, I'm not just referring to Bulimia, but specifically binge eating, as opposed over eating. Eating as much as possible very quickly, specifically..

There are a variety of causes for this problem. In my experience it usually arises from an attachment disorder such as anxious ambivalenct, anxious avoidant or anxious disorganised. Thus, the pseudo-relationship with food exists as a defensive attempt to compensate for what the binge eater believes cannot be possibly filled up through true open and honest intimate relationships with other people.

This does not mean that they haven't had or don't form intimate relationships. But it means that at some level they really don’t believe that they can have long-lasting meaningful close emotional intimacy with other people which can be fulfilling enough for them. Thus, a false sense of emotional nourishment begins to be attempted, and the myriad of physiological problems begin to arise from the binge eating behaviour.

Depression and anxiety can also be common within this population. It becomes a vicious cycle. Anxiety about losing control through binge eating, which ironically, is actually an attempt to gain control. And depression about the loss of control and the ensuing guilt, all feed each other in a vicious cycle of suffering.

As a counsellor and psychotherapist I frequently see people with binge eating disorder. Many of these individuals have tried conventional cognitive behavioural therapy and even hypnotherapy as attempts to stop the binge eating behaviour and other emotional contributing factors which they experience and try to cope with, albeit unsuccessfully.

Many of these people are understandably acting against their best interests, seeking an immediate fix or a magical fix for their problems. But when they are willing and ready to face and work through their deep-seated issues in an experiential, courageously trusting way with a professional psychotherapist, they can almost always transform their problematic thoughts and feelings into opportunities for growth and change. Thus, through the therapeutic relationship and eventually other close relationships they can start to allow themselves to be nourished in a variety of different healthier ways.

If you live in the Brighton Melbourne area, help is available by face-to-face counselling to stop binge eating. In fact mindfulness therapy can help enormously which is something else available in Brighton, Melbourne. Or if you can't get to Melbourne or Brighton, or prefer to work remotely, online counselling is available via Skype.
 

This is an important topic. So many people rightfully wonder, what is in fact the difference between having a heart to heart with a close friend, or speaking to a professional psychotherapist or counsellor. Really, this is so important, in fact, that the topic just can't be overstated or overdone.

Firstly, many clients initially assume that professional counselling and psychotherapy is just talking. And how can they be expected to know any different? But the reality is, a professional psychotherapist and counsellor will spend a lot of time thinking about the person, and will be informed by therapeutic expertise and experience in light of the presenting issue and past history of the client.

Furthermore, with professional counsellor, for example if you were to obtain counselling in Brighton or Melbourne counselling, you can reasonably expect to get a lot more than you would with a close friend. Although they may try to be objective, a close friend acting as therapists, is actually creating a dual relationship with you in which friendship boundaries and therapy boundaries become blurred. This can significantly compromise the friendship in later years, and render you more vulnerable and unhappy.

Similarly, an ethical psychotherapist or counsellor would never enter into a friendship relationship with the client. This enables the professional relationship to be safe, secure and unconditionally accepting without any threat of ruining the relationship. Whilst there is a monetary component to professional therapy, the experience must be emotionally unconditional. A professional counsellor and psychotherapist can offer a significantly containing corrective emotional experience for individuals suffering troubled behaviours and difficult emotional experiences.

If you are seeking professional help of counselling in Brighton or counselling in Melbourne with an insight oriented psychotherapist, help is available.

Marijuana addiction or cannabis addiction is common, but can become extremely debilitating for users and their partners and families etc. Cannabis is a toxic substance and especially these days involves often non pure and potentially more dangerous chemicals being mixed in even from so-called trusted sources.

Cannabis use can contribute to paranoia, distorted view of self and others, and even anxiety disorders and depression. Long-term use could even lead to psychosis of schizophrenia.

Cannabis also has the influence of distorting short-term memory and distorting one's view of reality at which time apathy may settle in and after a session people may decide to quit, but feel very guilty. This guilt, although possibly understandable frequently cements the problem even deeper.

Fortunately, there is a different solution to banging ones head against the wall and continuing the cycle of drug use and guilt, loss of confidence etc.

It's not so much the approach as it is the combination of approaches that can be very effective to stop cannabis addiction.

More specifically, the combined mindfulness therapy and counselling and hypnotherapy series of interventions can be markedly beneficial for individuals suffering cannabis addiction. In fact, it could be easier than you think. In addiction, getting a structured routine, and building positive activities into structured days can help too.

That doesn't mean it's easy, but it's a lot easier than trying to do it all by yourself or worse, with willpower alone. A secure therapeutic counselling relationship can help replace the need, or more accurately the perceived need, to use marijuana.

In Brighton Melbourne or online via Skype, counselling services are available, as well as hypnotherapy and mindfulness therapy services to help you take back control of your life.

That's right. The liberating sense of freedom and feelings of confidence that arise from stopping addictive behaviour can bring renewed self worth and a joyful life. Not in some passing self-help fleeting kind of way, but in a genuine feeling of this is how life is meant to feel way.

Addictions arise in many guises. There are countless addictions. Addictions to sex, materialism, drugs, gambling, body image, and countless other general addictions plague our materialistic, narcissistic society. Cultural influences aside, we all have our own reasons for struggling with various vices.

Addictions are misguided attempts to regulate and manage how we feel. More specifically, they usually developed as an attempt to avoid feeling something. Be that the depression, anxiety, or countless other troubles, avoidance feeling always leads to feeling worse than the intended avoided behaviour.

Addictions are our replacement attempts to mask and deal with our earlier childhood attachment needs. And it is to feel in control, secure and held. Many people with serious addictive behaviours struggle to develop genuinely felt connections and intimate relationships with other human beings.

That is why, 12 step programs have a lot of value to many addictive behaviours. Individual psychotherapy and Buddhist psychotherapy in particular, coupled with hypnotherapy and various counselling approaches with one therapist can actually help addicted people to develop healthy dependency needs and reduce and eliminate their maladaptive addictions.

If you live in the Brighton, Melbourne, area I can help you overcome addictions if you are ready and willing to work through your issues. Or if you can't get to brighton, we can have online counselling sessions via Skype.