We all want to feel loved and desired, to experience all the delightful details of physical love. There’s the delicious anticipation, the electric touch, the joy of giving, the freedom of spontaneity, the eroticism of a shared fantasy — and yes, sometimes, the thrill of the taboo.
However, people with sexual phobias can find themselves dreading their partner’s touch, feeling guilty and inadequate, maybe even inventing grievances and conflicts to disguise or rationalise your avoidance of sexual intimacy. These experiences are often accompanied by intense feelings of anxiety or panic, both emotionally and physically, when faced with situations related to sexual intimacy.
Meanwhile, our hyper-sexualised culture and media serve as a constant reminder of what they’re missing out on. These issues can negatively affect relationships and overall well-being, making it even more important to seek help.
Do I have a sexual phobia?
If the prospect of intimacy or intercourse makes you feel seriously anxious or panicky, then you may have a phobia of sex. This is often referred to as a ‘fear of sex’, which is an intense and irrational fear that can interfere with intimacy and relationships.
The name of this condition is ‘genophobia’, ‘coitophobia’ or ‘erotophobia’. This anxiety disorder is considered an irrational fear and is classified as a specific phobia that can cause significant impairment in daily life. It is often the result of something traumatic in the sufferer’s past — something that led to a subconscious fear of intimacy or losing control, an aversion to being touched, body image issues or low self-esteem. Sexual phobias affect how you see your relationship, and how you see yourself and your partner within that relationship. For example, you may have an unconscious wish to withhold enjoyment from yourself or your partner (or both) — even if your conscious mind wants anything but that.
Alternatively, your fear might be the result of performance anxiety, whether due to previous problems or other reasons. In either case, getting help from a professional therapist to assess the problem can often be the most effective step in addressing it.
It’s common for the mind to assign retroactive meaning to an encounter years later. In cases of genophobia or erotophobia, the fear response can be triggered by sexual situations (actual or anticipatory), leading to anxiety, panic, and avoidance behaviours.
Whatever the cause, the important thing to remember is that you’re not alone, and you don’t have to put up with your fear for the rest of your life.
Causes of Sex Phobia
The development of sex phobia is often complex, with multiple underlying causes contributing to intense fear and avoidance behaviours related to sexual intimacy. For some, past sexual abuse, sexual assault, or childhood trauma can leave lasting emotional scars that make sexual experiences feel unsafe or overwhelming. However, not all cases are underpinned by childhood trauma—cultural factors, religious teachings, and body image issues can also play a significant role in shaping negative associations with sexual acts. Understanding the unique combination of factors that contribute to sex phobia is essential for developing an effective, personalised treatment plan that addresses both the symptoms and the underlying causes.
Effects of Trauma on Sexuality
Experiencing trauma, especially childhood sexual abuse, can have a profound and lasting impact on an individual’s sexuality and ability to form healthy sexual relationships. Trauma survivors may develop intense fear, anxiety, or avoidance behaviours when faced with sexual intimacy, which can lead to the development of sex phobia or other anxiety disorders. A sensitive, trauma-informed approach—often involving a mental health professional—can help individuals process their experiences, reduce avoidance behaviours, and gradually rebuild trust in themselves and their partners. With the right support, trauma survivors can work towards healing and reclaiming a sense of safety and enjoyment in their sexual relationships.
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What do I actually have to do?
While there’s no ‘quick fix’ for any psychological issue, you won’t usually have to do any difficult, exhausting mental exercises or ‘homework’ as part of treatment at Bayside. Our therapies mostly involve exploring and sharing your feelings, childhood memories, experiences, dreams and fantasies. Genophobia treatment is a condition we see at our clinic, using approaches to help individuals overcome the fear of sex.
Typically, though:
- Hypnotherapy involves safely entering a relaxed trance and challenging embedded, unconscious beliefs and inhibitions. (Note that it’s not a quick fix. Hypnotherapy works best when combined with other methods, such as counselling.)
- Counselling is a short-term talk therapy where you talk to your therapist about things you’re consciously aware of, and they suggest strategies to endeavour to help relieve your symptoms. These approaches are designed to help manage symptoms of genophobia and related sexual phobias. (You can do this online if you’re not located near us, or if you’re not comfortable talking in-clinic.)
Psychotherapy is a longer-form treatment which involves speaking in great depth about your early childhood memories, dreams, daydreams and sexual fantasies. It’s all about exploring your deep-seated, unconscious desires and conflictual modes of enjoyment.
Who would I be working with?
We have six trained therapists comprising counsellors, hypnotherapists and psychoanalysts on staff here at Bayside Psychotherapy. Until we know more about you and your situation, we can’t say exactly who you’d be working with. But rest assured, they’re all qualified, highly experienced professionals — and compassionate, understanding people. We operate in a completely non-judgemental environment.
What if I’m uncomfortable talking about this stuff?
Many people are uncomfortable talking about sex. Particularly people with sexual phobias. That’s a completely natural feeling. Our team is practiced in creating a safe, relaxing space to make it easier for clients to open up. You just have to take it one step at a time. Your first step would be some talk therapy, where we identify which initial treatment would be most effective for your particular situation.
Hypnotherapy is often used to ease into the treatment process, to be followed by more intensive counselling sessions. In fact, you can get started at home by yourself, with the help of our sexual phobia hypnotherapy audio download. We also offer Melbourne and online counselling and hypnotherapy, so you can choose whichever mode is more comfortable for you.
What’s the first step?
You’ve already taken step one, which is reading this page. Step two is to call and make an appointment to commence therapy. Everyone’s situation is different, so your treatment will be unique to you.
Contact us if you have further questions.
You can book an appointment by using our online booking form for online appointments. Or, if you prefer, you can book an in-clinic session.
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